“There is a difference,” she whispered in the dark. “There is a difference between those that are lost and those that wander.”
“What is the difference?” he asks, wrapping her up in a dark embrace.
“Not all those who wander are lost,” she says remembering a quote she heard from a long time ago.
“What do you consider yourself?” his darkness licks at her skin erotically.
“I am lost,” she moans.
“Why?” he purrs.
“Because I have always been left behind,” she looks out from her vantage point. She stands at the top of a cliff and far behind her, are all the people she filled her life with. “Today, I will leave them all behind.”
“Why him?” he points to the tall man with the Cheshire smile.
“He held my heart,” she shakes her head, annoyed with herself. “But he did not hold it carefully,” her voice takes on a childlike lilt. “He dropped it. It broke into a million pieces. I can’t find them all.”
“In order for it to have broken that badly, it would have had to be cracked before,” he strokes his dark fingers along her cheeks.
“They cracked it,” she points to a couple standing in a distance.
“They are the people that birthed you,” he says with laughter as he circles her body.
“But they did not wipe my tears,” she closes her eyes feeling a tear fall into the darkness below her. “They did not protect me from the dragons. They did not even notice when I took on the form of the dragon to protect myself.”
“Who are all those other people?” he points to the familiar faces.
“They were the people who promised to be my friends forever and ever,” she throws away the half heart of her best friend necklace. “They never answered when I called. They only texted back with excuses. They were only there when they had to be.”
The darkness moves his erotic hands over her hips and circles her throat. “What do want to do now, little girl?”
“I want to fly into the darkness with you,” she says with a sparkle in her eyes.
“But to do that,” he shakes his head, pressing a little tighter. “You have to let it all go. All the hopes, all the dreams, all the feelings… you have to be prepared for people to hate you. People won’t like you very much.”
She hesitates. She always cared for people in her life. She always put them first. She always made sure she was careful of hurting anyone else’s feelings. Could she do it?
“Yes, pretty girl,” he whispers against the pulse in her neck. “Can you do it? Can you stare into the eyes of the ones you love and feel nothing? Can you stop the feeling of disappointment from resurrecting hope? Can you just be?”
She thinks on the heartache of being rejected. She thinks on all the hopes and dreams she had. She thinks of the daily struggle to do her best and still not reap any rewards for it. She is tired. She is tired of feeling all these emotions that weigh her down time and again. She is tired of searching for love in the people that gave birth to her and were supposed to look out for her. She is tired of empty promises and disappointment. She is tired of the weight of responsibility on her shoulders.
“Will you promise that I won’t feel this tired anymore?” she asks with wide eyes.
“I promise,” he pulls her slowly towards the edge.
“Will you promise that it isn’t going to hurt?”
He smiles. “Oh baby, it is going to hurt. It is going to hurt so bad but the hurt will be good.”
“Will I be as alone as I am now?”
“You will always be alone, darling,” he kisses her on the lips. “But I will be with you, guiding you.”
She takes his hand with that promise, just one step and she falls into the abyss with darkness. Darkness envelopes her in his comforting embrace. He lifts her to a height where all the people can see her. For the first time, she doesn’t not smile, she does not cry and she does not frown, instead she looks on watching them unravel before.
For the time being, she chose being lost to the darkness over dancing in the light.