Last updated on April 10, 2022
“They say God cursed women to bleed every month because Eve had sinned, but that’s a lie, He cursed us to fall for the man that would never choose us and have us spend the rest of our lives blaming ourselves for being gullible enough to think we were worthy.”
Kerina Jordan is no stranger to life’s luxuries. She lives her life to the fullest, fulfilling a void left in her since she was twelve years old. Everyone believed she was shallow, extra, dramatic. She was okay with that.
She didn’t care about everyone’s opinions… until him.
Suddenly, she questions who she is. She tries to let go of the privilege she was given. She tries to become Adam Keller’s version of the perfect girl. All for it to blow up in her face.
Shoved into a world of betrayal, heartbreak, and addiction Kerina tries to navigate between who she is and who Adam wants her to be.
She wanted to be his choice, but she was just the option.
The twelve-year old little girl sits under her blanket, huddled as if her life depends on it. As if staying underneath that blanket could protect her from the reality of what’s going on outside her bedroom door. Families were supposed to stay together like in the princess movies she watched. When two people love each other and get married, they are supposed to live happily-ever-after. So why were her mommy and daddy fighting? Why was her daddy packing his bag and leaving? She heard the older people in the family whispering when they thought she was asleep. Her daddy found a new family. He didn’t want mommy and her anymore. She was only twelve, what was she supposed to do without her daddy? She loved him very much.
She crawls out from under her blanket and tiptoes towards the door. She cracks it open so she can hear what’s going on outside.
“What about Kerina? You promised to take care of us!” mommy shouts. Mommy looks terrible, her hair is a mess and her clothes are hanging off her as if they are too big for her.
“You both will be fine,” her daddy says in a stern voice. “I have to leave.”
And he left. He didn’t even look at the little girl as he stormed out. In fact, he didn’t care about the little girl at all. He was there one minute and gone the next. Leaving their lives in turmoil.
Changing the little girl forever.
Four years later…
The sixteen-year-old teenager sits on the floor of her bedroom. Her mother is on some assignment, her father is disinterested as usual. The girls at school are still bullying her. A guy touched her inappropriately today. Another broke her heart the other day.
Her life was spiraling. She wasn’t okay. People didn’t like her. They wanted her to change. They wanted her to be exactly what a rich spoiled brat from a broken family was supposed to be. But she couldn’t be that person. She didn’t want to be.
She holds the blade between her fingers, she had already swallowed a bottle of her mother’s valium and it was starting to take effect. She held the blade to her wrist and pressed. The feel was euphoric. The glide of the metal splitting her skin and the warm blood spilling out.
Finally, she would no longer have to deal with this pain anymore. She could finally be free of all the scrutiny. She wouldn’t have to face each day knowing her father didn’t love her. She wouldn’t have to deal with anyone’s judgment. She was finally done.
She closed her eyes, one last time and sunk into oblivion.